My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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