so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize