just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
