I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
