JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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