the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
