when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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