mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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