my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
