R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
