there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
