I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
