I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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