1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
