Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
