Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize