i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
