why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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