I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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