are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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