Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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