We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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