proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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