theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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