My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
