Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
