if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
