This house was built for laser tag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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