god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
