i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
