someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize