I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
