In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
