i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
