And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
