just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
