this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the condom got lost in my hair
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
