Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
