1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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