if i can run in heels then i can drive
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
