I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
