There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
