he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
