We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
