Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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