I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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