I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
