when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
