Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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