Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
