We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
its not stalking. its research.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
