I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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