my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize