No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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