So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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