Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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