I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
4 words: hood of his car
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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