Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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