Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
