Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
