I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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