Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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