I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
