please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
