Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
