Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.