So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️