you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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