Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"