are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life