i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize