a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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