walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
