you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
