Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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