i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
