I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They are going to name an STD after you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
