yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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