i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
