totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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