and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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