i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
