forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
