I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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