I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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