Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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