How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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