we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
