chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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