I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found your dick twin last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
